I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
