Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
