Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize