you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
