Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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