I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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