Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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