i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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