found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
