cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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