Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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