your parents love me but you hate me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
