Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
