You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
