thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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