I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
