The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
