I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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