i would punch a child for taco bell
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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