I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
