I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
