It's like God shit irony all over that family
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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