he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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