update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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