I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
