His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
These tits shall not be calmed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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