We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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