2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
