I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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