hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
