I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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