Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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