Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
should my penis look like a turkey
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
