If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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