wanna go halves on a baby?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
