Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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