Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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