I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
