we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize