I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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