you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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