She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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