I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
