There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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