you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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