I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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