Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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