On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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