He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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