There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
