What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
