I can text with my tongue
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We're too hungover to prance.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
