That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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