Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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