He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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