We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
