Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
