I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
