Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
