remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
