Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
