in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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