using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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