she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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