uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
