My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
