I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
two words...techno handjob
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
