This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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