i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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