drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
