I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize