I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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